Today at work I passed out Christmas cards with an adorable picture of my little girl on it. I had planned to create a card myself to include Evan. However, when I saw her picture taken by the photographer who visits her school twice a year I couldn't resist ordering Christmas cards through the photographer. I struggled as to how I would include Evan. I always have a desire to add/include him in everything and at times I feel guilty if/when I consider not doing so for whatever/any reason (Christmas card being a perfect example). Unfortunately, this doesn't only apply to Christmas cards.

So the question I ponder day after day . . . How am I supposed to live my life in love with two beautiful and incredible children that I gave birth to and only make decisions (big and small) for one?

The Christmas Card resolution was this . . . one card on facebook as a profile picture to include both of my precious babies. And another that I will mail to family and friends that allows my husband and I to share our precious daughter's adorable Christmas picture, which we ordered through the photographer.

And when the photographer asked if I wanted to include names under "The Michauds" I simply replied with a soft, "no, thank you" hating every second of not being able to once again decide if I could put four names on the card. . . (while also wondering why I care so much about the "could" and "shoulds" and just don't do more of what I want). 

Last Christmas when I suspected I may be pregnant I had actually imagined what our Christmas card may be like this year with our new addition as I daydreamed about many other things to include a new baby for us. I had no idea that just a year later something that has always been so much fun, something I always enjoyed and yet something so simple . . . Christmas cards . . . would become such a challenge.