Happy Birthday Momma Ilene

Today is a very special day. Today is my mom-in-law, Ilene's, birthday. Ilene passed away one year before I got to marry her amazing son. I was lucky to be a part of Ilene's beautiful family for many years before she passed away. My relationship with Ilene was, is and always will be one of the most touching relationships I have ever known. I love her and miss her every day.

I know with all my heart that Ilene is holding my sweet baby boy in heaven. I know that she is loving him, giving him all the affection I could only dream of and telling him all about the people here on earth who love and adore him. This brings me peace.

Last night I was looking through some old family photos and videos hoping to find a video of Ilene to share with my daughter today. I'm still on the hunt. However, I did come across several pictures and a file on my computer with a poem that was shared at Ilene's memorial and several songs labeled Ilene's favorites.

In honor of my beautiful mom-in-law's birthday I wanted to share this song (one of her favorites) 

I handed my sweet baby boy to my husband one last time on September 1, 2011 knowing he would never hand him back to me. This was the most difficult thing I have ever done. Finding this song last night (the first time I've listened to it) was a gift. I feel peace imagining the singing and dancing his grammy was doing to this beautiful song as she held him in her arms in heaven that day.

This poem was shared at Ilene's memorial . . .
DON'T GRIEVE FOR ME, FOR NOW I'M FREE,
WALKING THE PATH GOD LAID FOR ME.
I TOOK HIS HAND WHEN I HEARD HIM CALL,
I TURNED MY BACK AND LEFT IT ALL.

I COULD NOT STAY ANOTHER DAY,
TO LAUGH, TO LOVE, TO WORK OR PLAY.
TASKS LEFT UNDONE MUST STAY THAT WAY,
I FOUND HIS PEACE AT THE CLOSE OF DAY.

IF MY PARTING HAS LEFT A VOID,
THEN FILL IT WITH REMEMBERED JOYS.
A FRIENDSHIP SHARED, A LAUGH, A KISS,
OH, YES, THESE THINGS I TOO WILL MISS.

BE NOT BURDENED WITH TIME OF SORROW,
I WISH YOU JOY FOR YOUR TOMORROW,
MY LIFE'S BEEN FULL, I SAVORED MUCH,
GOOD FRIENDS, GOOD TIMES, A LOVED ONES TOUCH.

PERHAPS MY TIME SEEMED ALL TO BRIEF,
DON'T LENGTHEN IT WITH UNDUE GRIEF;
LIFT UP YOUR HEARTS, AND PEACE TO THEE,
GOD WANTS ME NOW, HE SET ME FREE.

Happy Birthday Momma Ilene!! 

This morning I woke up with the urge to share a few things here on Evan's blog. Before doing so I went to the March of Dimes website. There are walks coming up in the next several months. I learned of these upcoming walks after seeing a link a friend who lost her precious baby girl due to anen posted about a walk she will participate in. I wish I could walk with my friend (Hugs to you Tristin) but since we live far away from one another I won't be able to. I will, however, walk in an event in my area in honor of my sweet boy, your beautiful girl, all the beautiful babies (and their mommas) I've come to know and love during this journey, babies and mommas that may walk this journey, the amazing research March of Dimes does to find answers about problems that threaten our babies, and for all the babies that may have a better chance of a healthier life thanks to March of Dimes.

After reviewing the upcoming walks in my area I saw that there is a walk in Columbia, MO on the afternoon of May 6th. As you may or may not remember, May 6th is the day my husband, daughter and I learned that we had a son/brother and that he had anencephaly. And so the date for the event I will be participating in has been chosen.

I don't question if God is taking care of me. I KNOW HE IS! May 6th was going to come regardless. May 6th will come again every year for the rest of my life as will the anniversary of so many life changing days I have experienced. God has shown me a way to find peace and celebrate my sweet boys LIFE on a day that will be challenging but much less difficult, absent, painful thanks to God's love . . . Thank you Heavenly Father!!

As for the things I had the urge to share when I awoke . . . I'm going to spend a little more time here another day sharing those things. Coming here is a joy for me so revisiting again soon sounds like a good idea. :-)

Just Think . . .

I've been away from my sweet boy's blog a little more than I had anticipated and/or really would have liked. I have thought about Evan every day and many times each day. I found myself in a silent place for the past several weeks. I realized that not only had I not written on his blog but I hadn't talked about him much or about what I was feeling. I also realized I may have entered a new (old) phase of grieving. The books aren't kidding when they say grieving is like waves . . . big giant waves that sometimes wash away and then repeat.

I miss my sweet boy every day.

I ordered this picture from Carly Marie. You may remember the picture of Evan's name in the sand on a beach in Australia. This is from the same amazing woman. It's a little early Valentine's Day treat to myself in honor of my sweet boy.

I am grateful to have a place to share this picture and more importantly my sweet boy. His life has so much purpose, so much meaning and I believe God wants my sweet little one to be shared so that others remember that He has a purpose for each and every one of us.

A poem I have always treasured titled Just Think: 

You're here not by chance,

but by God's Choosing.

His hand formed you and

made you the person you are.

He compares you to

no one else -

you are one of a kind

you lack nothing that

His grace can't give you.

He has allowed you to

be here at this time in history

to fulfill His special purpose

for this generation.

~ Roy Lessin