As Evan's birthday grows near I find that the waves of grief are growing stronger. I remind myself often that if I remain true to my beliefs and trust in God I can and will survive each crashing wave ... waves that actually physically hurt sometimes.

Here we are almost one year since we began our journey . . . this journey I unwillingly (although whole heartedly) began very soon after we learned of our sweet boy's diagnosis.  I say very soon after because once shock passed I distinctly remember denial settling in. Every second of every day shortly after all I could think was, "NO!" But the reality was and always will be, yes. And then came acceptance ... the moment when our journey began.  

As I continue this journey I continue to be grateful for so many answered prayers of comfort, peace and strength as I enter each new day, guidance, encouragement, insight, and acceptance. What has been so amazing to me is the incredible ways God answers prayers and the source through which He provides exactly what I need when I need it . . . a butterfly, rainbow, gentle breeze, nature, a quiet moment, my beautiful daugher, the incredible people in my life day in and out, aquaintances, strangers, pictures, books, quotes, music . . . I could go on and on and on. He's in everything!
My wonderful friend sent me an article that I found not only very interesting but comforting and that couldn't have come at a better time on a better day. In this article, researchers have identified that mommy's and babies are connected in very special ways long after birth. Feel free to check it out here: http://www.mom365.com/Baby/Posts/2012/Jun/Research-Reveals-That-Moms-and-Babies-Are-Connected-in-Surprising-Ways. It was a sweet reminder of what I already knew to be true . . . Evan was, is and always will be a part of me.

My daughter turned five, graduated preschool and lost her first tooth in the matter of one week! We celebrated, laughed, cried, celebrated some more and enjoyed every second. Evan was with us.

With every challenging question or sweet memory my daughter shares with me about her little brother we remember him and he lives through us.

This past weekend we visited the Angel of Hope. It was a wonderful visit on a beautiful day.  Below are pictures from our visit.

Flowers blooming near Evan's
memorial bricks :-)

The beautiful garden

My pretty girl :-)

And now as another day passes by, I think of my sweet baby boy no less and love him more . . .
My sweet boy,

So much time has passed.

I think of you, I pray for you, I praise God for you every single day.

I'm strong. I'm weak.

I am so in love with you.

Love, Your Mommy