HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY SWEET BABY BOY!!

I remember walking into the hospital confident in God, my husband, our family, and our friends to help me/us survive what was to come. I continued to pray that Evan would live through labor and delivery so I could talk to him and tell him how much I love him (little did I know I would talk to him and tell him this every day for the rest of my life). I was afraid but it was mostly masked by the excitement I felt about actually having him in my arms. And then almost 36 hours later he was born . . . 8:59am on 9/1/11 our beautiful boy was born. Within an hour he continued his journey to heaven.

Trying to figure out how to survive the death of our sweet baby boy was like nothing I've ever attempted to do before.  I mean, really, how in the world can anyone and/or anything prepare you for life after, right? Wrong.

Thinking back to the morning I held my sweet boy in my arms it all seems so clear to me now. Evan prepared me.

I wish I could bottle up and give everyone a sample of the incredible peace and love that my angel gave me that day. You don't experience something like that and not want to share it with the world. So there it was, in the moment that my husband passed our little 5lb baby boy to me I felt it ... the gift that would help me begin to understand how and why I was going to survive such a loss . . . and it was incredible.

I guess now would be a good time to explain exactly how the presence of amazing peace and love . . . how our little boy's one sweet touch . . . also delivered so much hope, strength, courage, and confidence that I/we would survive. I don't have the answer. I guess I would say that I am just grateful I didn't let it slip by. I embraced it and will never lose sight of it. 

   

The past several months have not gone without pain, sadness and suffering but this in no way defines our journey and certainly not our son's life. And so today we celebrated the beautiful boy who touched our lives, our minds and our hearts forever. 

Evan's big sister releasing a balloon at 8:59am :-) Happy Birthday Sweet Boy!!





Releasing more balloons :-)

As I post this in the hour in which we said our goodbyes a year ago, I remember and cherish the peace and love you gave me sweet boy on your birthday. You truly are always remembered and forever loved. I love you, angel. Happy heavenly birthday my love. ~ Momma

**Thank you to everyone who has kept us in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you to everyone who sent love, hugs, prayers our way today. Thank you to everyone who remembers our sweet boy (I hope you smile as I do when he enters your thoughts). Thank you to very dear friends who brought me flowers to work :-), sent cards, and/or called/ messaged us sending your love. Thank you to our amazing family and a few dear friends who have truly been with us through it all ... the good and the bad . . . the happy and sad. And a very special thank you to the following for celebrating with us today in our sweet boy's honor: Nana Debbie, Papa Joe, Grandma Dora, Papa Rog, Aunt Abbey, Uncle Ryan, Aunt Jen, Uncle Tom and Evan's sweet cousins - Ethan, Peyton and Max ... and to those who couldn't be here but who were most definitely celebrating with us - WE LOVE YOU ALL and truly appreciate you!!