"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." ~ Matthew 5:16
Yesterday, we celebrated our sweet boy, Evan Matthew's, fifth heavenly birthday. I began the day opening my tear filled eyes and wiping my tear stained cheeks. I whispered happy birthday to our angel and asked God for strength. I quickly realized this birthday would be slightly more challenging. While my heart was full of love and my mind was confident that Evan Matthew is where he belongs, with our Heavenly Father, my eyes were telling a whole different story. As I continued through the day, I began noticing that I was struggling to stop the tears so that I could celebrate my sweet one. I began thinking I could not celebrate if I was a teary mess all day. I stopped my work and prayed to God to help me get a grip so that I could behave in a way and present myself the way I feel and believe.
Work picked up and I found myself in an opportunity to share Evan with a new co-worker that was so lovingly listening to all the beautiful details of our journey. I cried. I was slammed with phone calls and emails, which I attended to timely and professionally. Between each call, I cried a little more. I prayed again telling God and Evan Matthew that I had better receive their strength in order to make it through two client sessions without tears. Then I begged and then I cried.
My first client arrived. A sweet, adorable five year old boy. During our time together I asked him questions, he asked me questions, we played, and I found myself staring at him and imagining many things about my sweet boy at this age. At one point, I discovered that this little boy was staring at me with the sweetest expression. I smiled at him and asked him what he was thinking. He said to me, "I have a light bulb in my brain. It shines so bright." We continued our session laughing and talking and playing. I immediately entered my next session, packed my things and drove home talking to my sweet boy about his birthday in heaven, my love for him and our plans to celebrate him that evening.
The sun was shining so bright on my drive home and it brought me to reflecting on the comment that the little boy made. I smiled and thought of Evan Matthew.
We celebrated our sweet boy yesterday evening. We went out to eat while enjoying sharing our memories of Evan's life. We watched, delighted, as our sweet boy's big sister created our family portrait on her menu. We purchased his cake and had the friendliest young woman helping us make it just right. We purchased Evan's birthday balloons and again had the friendliest man helping us with our order. We wrote our messages and released our balloons to heaven. We sang happy birthday and blew out his big 5 candle.
After a beautiful celebration we returned to our bedtime routine and preparation for the next day with Evan Matthew on our minds and in our hearts as we do every single day.
And then it hit me . . .
My message from heaven. My message from one unknowing, adorable five year old little boy. Evan's light is shining so bright. His light shines because God's light shines and He has made Evan Matthew a perfect bright shining light . . . If God's light shines and my sweet boy's light shines, then through my love for them their light shines through me. And then, I smiled bright and I cried.
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