This week I woke up one morning to a beautiful picture of a new mother and her newborn. It was so wonderful to see the her (friend) so happy holding her beautiful baby. It warmed my heart. I thought about how at the moment the picture was taken in the hospital everything had just begun for her son and her family. It was also in that moment that I realized, one again, that when my son is born it will be the end of his sweet little life and our physical connection to him. Obviously, I have thought of this multiple times but to think of it again after becoming even more bonded and connected with him over the past weeks since learning of his diagnosis and deciding to carry made it unbearable. I realized the unbelievable emotional and cognitive changes I have experienced in just 3 weeks time. I went from shock and torment to an extremely brief period of trying to separate myself from my son, followed by acceptance that this would never be possible for me. Next, and after choosing to carry my son to term I considered the appropriateness of inducing a little early after talking to my doctor who suggested this as a possibility. And now here I am today . . . I cannot for the life of me envision me going to the hospital to willingly have this baby. I cannot express what having him inside my womb, knowing he's comfortable and safe (for now) and feeling him move means to me. I am so terribly frightened of the day that he decides to come naturally or my doctors tell me they need to induce for this or that. I realize that this is the day that I will lose my physical connection with my son within minutes . . . hours at most. And then a very special friend and amazing woman, Cori, who I hadn't spoken to about this bad day I was having sent me this scripture: "When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid." ~ Psalm 56:3-4.
I believe God is with me, my son and my family. He is speaking to me through the amazing family and friends that have been so unbelievably supportive and loving and the warmth and increased peace/comfort that I feel inside. There is nothing I cannot handle, I cannot survive when He is with me. To everyone praying for my son, my family and I . . . THANK YOU!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I cannot express how very much your prayers mean to me. They are powerful and they are so very much appreciated. God Bless.