This post may be a bit scattered today as I am feeling this way myself . . . I am 25 weeks and 1 day pregnant today. I am growing increasingly more anxious about the time I left with my son, which makes it difficult to sleep at night and concentrate during the day. I am holding on to having at least 15 more weeks with him but realize that this might not be possible. Sometimes I become so angry realizing what little control I have in this. What little ability I have to do and/or decide anything for my son that will protect him and allow me to keep him close for as long as possible. However, as I type this I remind myself that through God's love and guidance and that of my families we made the decision to carry him as long as God's will allows and to ensure he experiences the most love, peace and comfort we can provide until then. It seems this journey is a lot like that above . . . I experience an intense negative feeling or thought that is fairly quickly comforted by a more positive and accurate thought and more peaceful, positive feelings. Sometimes this happens so quickly and other times it takes longer . . . either way it becomes a bit overwhelming emotionally at times.
I am thinking of things that I would like to do for my son and with him during these next 15 weeks (or so). We have taken him on our annual summer vacation to the Lake with family (which includes all of the fun and relaxing lake stuff you can imagine thanks to his amazing family). He has been to the zoo with his big sister, and two of his cousins and he celebrated his big sisters 4th birthday with her and her family/friends. He goes to his big sister's dance class each week and loves the music as he enjoys dancing himself (one of my favorite nights of the week spent with my two kiddos!!). Evan went to the movies with his sister and I to see Kung Fu Panda II. And of course, I am ensuring that he gets all the nutrients and best sweets a boy could ever need or desire! ;-) We read to him and sing to him and I tell him stories about his grandma Ilene, great grandma Mary and great grandpa Eddie (among others) who he will meet when he meets our heavenly Father.
This evening my mom, sister, daughter and I will be going shopping for material and other supplies to make a sweet, soft, and cuddly blanket for Evan, which brings me peace and joy.
I welcome any suggestions and thoughts related to ways in which I can continue to embrace every moment with Evan. That is, if you can figure out how to comment, which I am still trying to figure out myself. :-)
I believe I had forgotten to add one extremely important bit of information in my earlier blog regarding Evan's ultrasound. Evan measured 1lb 8oz and had a perfect heart rate!
As for now, I continue to remind myself of the following:
Some Loves last a Moment
Some Loves last a Lifetime
Sometimes a Moment is a Lifetime ~ Author Unknown
I am loving and embracing every movement (every moment) with my sweet boy. Praising God that his movements are getting stronger by the day.