Momma I'm Flying

I woke this morning with a heavy heart, crying and feeling so very lonely. I've prepared myself for this as I have acknowledged that this is a normal response . . . normalcy in regards to the natural grieving process. However, no matter how prepared and/or aware I am of this "process" it's so hard . . . so difficult. I was incredibly grateful that my husband was waiting for me downstairs, arms wide open waiting to embrace me in the hug I needed more than anything at that very moment.

We have been so incredibly grateful to have the time we have had together as a family since Evan's birth. We acknowledge how tremendously blessed we are for this time off work to be together with our sweet girl so that we can take the time necessary to grieve together, heal together, be together embracing the birth of our beautiful boy and establishing our new "normal."

So hours later, after waking in sadness, I sit here having prayed, watched our son's beautiful video, addressed announcements, talked to my husband, spent time with our daughter, blogged, and listened to the play list on my ipod that has brought me so much comfort . . . I accept my sadness, I experience it but more than anything . . . I acknowledge that my sadness today is for me . . . not for my beautiful boy in heaven.

I love this beautiful song I've heard it before but I didn't really listen to it and hear it the way I do now until my sister put it in the beautiful video she created for us in honor of Evan. Now, I wish it could be and would be playing every where I am, every where I go . . . all of the time.

I can  hear the messages that God and my sweet baby boy are sending me and the warmth I feel wrapped around me as I listen to this song . . . the message that my precious angel baby is flying . . . he is ok, better than ok, Evan is FLYING!!

I know this to be true because of my love for God, because of God's love for Evan's momma, because of my precious love for Evan, and because of God's love for all of his beautiful babies. Thank you, Lord.