Today is International Bereaved Father's Day. Today, I remember all of the wonderful daddy's out there who have lost a precious baby. I send thoughts of peace to them. Today, I honor the most amazing daddy that I have the privilege of also calling my husband. The man I love so dearly. I pray for peace in his heart today and always.

We continue to adjust. My husband will be returning to work this coming week. We'll be ok of course and we have thoroughly enjoyed our time together but I am still going to miss my husband, daughter and I being together all of the time.

I've felt fairly strong and comfortable over the past three weeks because I've been with my husband and daughter and/or my other family including my sisters, nephews, mom . . . with someone I love so dearly all the time . . . the strength and confidence I feel with them is empowering and I know it is because they too were and are close to Evan. They remind me of Evan and they love him as I do.

My family was close before, don't get me wrong, but in this difficult time as I continue to grieve I feel very lucky . . . very blessed to have such loving, understanding and patient family. My older sister, Kristy, will be visiting this week and I'm very excited about that. She posted a comment on one of my blog entries recently that made me think a lot. I instantly received peace and comfort after reading it but spending more time thinking about it has helped me gain so much more . . .I can find peace and strength by seeing my son live through the ones I love so dearly who also loved him. That is such a blessing.

Being and feeling close to God is so incredibly important for me because I believe if I am close to him then I must be close to Evan. I have always yearned to grow in my faith but now that yearning is even stronger and more powerful than ever. 

Do you ever have times when you feel like you are learning and growing so fast you almost can't keep up? I feel like I have gained so much knowledge about so many different things (mostly just personal things about life, love, faith, etc. but all beautiful nonetheless) and I'm having a difficult time keeping everything straight without writing it down and/or talking with someone special to me about it in hopes they'll help me remember. My sweet boy has brought me and continues to bring me so much growth, continuous positive change and the most precious love!

I was watching A Walk to Remember (tear jerker!!) and when I heard the last line of the movie it totally hit home for me. Landon (boy in the movie) says "Our love is like the wind. I can't see it but I can feel it."

I had some separation anxiety (yes, I admit it . . . not only did my daughter have it but I did too) up until very recently and it helped to remind myself that my daughter felt my love even when I couldn't be with her. I experienced anxiety the most during work days when she was at school. She doesn't spend much time away from me unless she is at school, which is a long day . . . too long in my book. Otherwise, if we are apart she is with family and I couldn't be any more comfortable when she's with our family.

So, if you knew how bad my separation anxiety was before Evan you could imagine how it would be capable of breaking me completely given the physical separation we are experiencing at this time. If it wasn't for the support I have and continue to receive from my family and close friends it would be more challenging. But what is really powerful is the guidance, strength, love and support I have and continue to receive through my growing faith . . . by believing in God's love for all of His children and learning more about this beautiful love every day.

I received an absolutely beautiful little boy angel statue from my co-workers who are also very dear friends. I am blessed to have such an amazing and supportive team to work with! I love that sweet little angel boy so much! It meant the world to me that they remembered my plans for Evan's garden. I can't wait to look out my window every day and see the angel standing in our backyard surrounded by Evan's garden. For now, the angel is inside my house where I can keep him close :-) . . . it's this and other memorabilia (my necklace, amazing pictures, two beautiful angel figurines, candles, bracelets, etc.) that I have that give me a visual reminder of our sweet boy but like the wind . . . I can always feel his love.