Remembering Evan ALWAYS

Oh boy have I been missin' my boy! Hard does not describe some of the most difficult moments that pass each day when I feel an incredibly sharp pain in my heart that comes with missing him so terribly much.

We've been staying very busy as we usually are but now we are busy and I am always thinking about how Evan is with us . . . smelling our beautiful boy's sweet baby boy scent suddenly out of no where and stopping to take it in as much and as long as possible before it fades away, feeling him in the breeze, the sun peeking through the trees just long enough to pop out and say hi and then go back beyond the clouds, the much needed rain, the grass that is finally turning green again, the smiles my baby girl gives me from across the room as if she knows what I'm thinking and may be thinking the same exact thing, the calls, texts, emails that I receive from my family and those of you who continue to offer your amazing support just when I need it to help remind me what amazing love and support God has blessed us with in our lives and all the wonderful love that our son will always have . . . and on and on and on . . . but most definitely knowing and the most incredibly feeling of having Evan in our hearts forever and always.

I was on the phone the other day describing how my husband and daughter were cleaning out the garage. She loves to help daddy and getting dirty is an added bonus! As I mentioned what they had been working on together that morning (and while they happened to be taking a break in the kitchen with me at that moment) I had overheard my daughter lean over to her daddy and say that Evan was helping them in the garage too. She had the sweetest smile and sparkle in her eye as she shared this with him . . . this acknowledgement that she shared as though it was almost a secret. This simple little acknowledgment from our sweet little four year old sent me spinning with amazement, happiness, love and joy.

I cannot remember the conversation I was having on the phone before, let alone after, she said this to her daddy. I know my daughter cannot possibly understand the beauty she brings to me in those precious moments but God does and so I am certain to try to remember to thank Him every single time for those beautiful moments with my daughter when she remembers her sweet baby brother in the most precious ways.